Where has my motivation gone? Part 1.

Courtesy of Wikipedia:

mo·ti·va·tion/ˌmōtəˈvāSHən/

Noun:
  1.   The reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way.
  2.   The general desire or willingness of someone to do something.
Synonyms: motive – incentive – stimulus – impulse

With June just around the corner I started to wonder where has my motivation gone. I started this year with such high hopes to get my shit together. I’m pretty much at the same stand still I was when I started my frazzled mom journey. The fabulous weight loss I wanted not even close to getting started. All my organization project have become trapped in my idea book. Even my couponing has taken a back seat to my frazzled mind.  I literally feel like a giant failure. Do I just need to recharge? Do I need a change? Of course I need a change but what kind of change.

I wake up and in my head I make a mental list of all the things I want to check off that day, of course there’s the small items , get dressed, get toddler feed stuff like that. Then there are the big things, unpack another box, exercise, clean something I need to clean. But by the time I’m dropping off the toddler at daycare I completely feel drained and come up with a million and one excuses. I could probably write a book with all the freaking excuses I’ve come up with. Then the post work hours come and my list is back in my head.  I get home and again the excuse book comes out. My biggest one has been my son. I literally spend every minute I have with him once I get home from work. I justify this with the, “I work 10 hours a day and my son deserved to have my full attention once I get home” excuse. The guilt of a single parent I guess and it’s a darn good guilt. Enough that I drop everything to just sit with him and play with cars, or march thru the house pretending were a big band. Then of course bed time comes and again the excuse book comes out and I pull out the “I’m tired ill do it tomorrow” excuse. It’s a vicious cycle I want to stop but don’t know how.

I need to start holding myself accountable for my own actions. My excuses are no excuse for my own laziness; my own inability to want to get things done. When someone wants something bad enough it gets done. This is what I’m so confused about. I want to be thin, I want to be organized I want to be SUPER MOM. What is stopping me. No one is holding me back, no one is holding up the pity card for me. Shit happens, but life moves on and goes on.

My wish list:

–          Wish I had time to exercise.

–          Wish my son was ok playing alone for a while.

–          Wish I had a space to sit and focus on my to do’s

–          Wish to be organized

–          Wish my home could be spotless – Everyday not just cleaning day

–          I WISH I WAS SUPER MOM! ~ Hey a gal can dream right.

Where do I start? How do I start? How I wish motivation was sold in pill form! But the fact is motivation has to come from one self. Deep down inside me lurks the spark, I just have to cultivate it, coax the little sucker to burst into a enormous raging fire that won’t stop until I reach the goals I set for myself. I have to put my big girl pants on and start. NO EXCUSES. Easier said than done but at least I admitted my barriers and acknowledge my own faults.

What are some motivational tool you use??

Thank you for reading, follow me on twitter at @katiiz95 and subscribe to my blog.

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