*This was a post I wanted to get out on Friday but as you can see I was so frazzeled.
This has got to be one of the hardest weeks for me and I am so glad that its Friday. Waking at at 4:30 am to be at work by 6 am and put in a full day is starting to take its toll on me. You have no idea just how much I want to run upstairs and grab a soda, but not just any soda the dark one. I can literally taste the sweet, refreshing, energizing liquid trickling down my throat. I almost imgaine I would have energy for the next hour if I drink it. I know its not what I’m going to do but a girl can imagine right. I am doing so good and I don’t want to let myself down or my friends and family that have been so supportive.
Questions that pop into my mind.
- Could I handle just drinking one?
- Could I drink one and go another 4 weeks with out a sip?
- Will it give me a tummy ache if I do drink one? Is that worth the risk?
- Who will know if I just take a few sip?
- Could I live with knowing I gave up yet again?
So that is a lot to contemplate!!! Being a single mom I know theres no real chance that on Saturday or Sunday I will get a chance to sleep in. Once my toddler wakes up that’s it he’s up. I can only imagine the mischieve he might get into if I decide he will be ok on his own. My monkey is at the age were he sees an adventure in everything. YIKES.. so what do I do to get some rest. This is where I envy the moms who have the dads. And hour of sleep can make such a diffrence in my whole outlook. Its horrible to say this but when I find my self overworked and soooo tired I get so mad and silently curse the nonexistent baby daddy for all his lies and for turning out to be the worst person in my life. Yes yes drastic words but man im tired. These are feelings that I am entitled to have no one can stop me from feeling these things. I really don’t get into what happened with Monkeys dad and well im working really hard to move forward and being both mom and dad to my son. I am by far not a super woman and there are times that I wish I had the help an additional parent can bring. I am very grateful to my sister for stepping up and being there when I need help especially when my day care is closed. But nothing is perfect and well I have come to that realization. I wake up grateful for the blessing I have and the people that bless my life to help me.
But.. I still want a soda. But I will continue to drink my mineral water and Crystal Light.. AHHHHHHHHHHH taste the goodness NOT!!!.
Have you ever tried giving up something that it haunted you this much?